tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8753953689256479588.post2478577328658181368..comments2023-08-21T06:15:31.248-04:00Comments on Philosophy Dad: More LyingPhilosophy Dadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05375532935119092181noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8753953689256479588.post-26245911420480831732009-12-14T06:21:25.658-05:002009-12-14T06:21:25.658-05:00Heather, your story does seem quite extreme.
We h...Heather, your story does seem quite extreme.<br /><br />We have never propogated the Santa myth with our kids (now 6, 4, 2). What they 'know' comes from (pre-)school (teachers and friends), and the TV (with a tiny bit from relatives at xmas).<br />It's interesting to observe kids as they grow and how their concepts develop, and how 'solid' those concepts are. The lines between <i>Santa</i>, <i>people-dressed-up-as-Santa</i> and <i>Christmas-as-a-whole</i> seem quite blurred (certainly at 4 years old).<br /><br />The oldest is soon to lose his first tooth. The reality of the tooth fairy is easier to tell and hear, so he's under no illusion that one exists (and besides, he is half French, and in France it's a mouse, not a fairy...). Anyway, we've asked him if he'd like to put his tooth under his pillow, and get something in return. Of course he does!Rob Anoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8753953689256479588.post-16759384877906473862009-12-13T09:33:52.491-05:002009-12-13T09:33:52.491-05:00@heather, your mother seems to have some issues th...@heather, your mother seems to have some issues that make her way more extreme that the majority of pro-Santa parents (not being able to tell at 15yo that the cat's being put down?!?) FWIW, you lucked out that you grew into a healthy skeptic (I love your childhood experiments to evaluate whether Santa or Tooth Fairy really exist).<br /><br />I think your compromise with your husband should work quite well. I am in the let-them-believe-in-Santa camp, but I've never really <i>told</i> my daughter about him or <i>insisted</i> that he's real. Santa has come into her life as other supernatural creatures have by us reading books and stories about them. (Well, he does do the stocking thing, but that's my wife's doing.)<br /><br />I don't go out of my way to explain that laws of physics prevent beans from growing really high or giants from living in the sky or (and that would crush her) fairies from flying around. Ditto for Santa. And when she does ask (wonderingly but <i>not really</i> wanting to have her illusion removed) I ask her "what do you think" or "wouldn't it be cool if...". This allows me not to "lie" to my child yet still not stripping away hew imaginary world. When she does insist about knowing something "for real!", I'm more than happy to tell her or, preferably, to point her to the place where she can find out for herself.<br /><br />I'm with Dale McGowan and think there is a healthy middle ground between being a fantasy-crushing literalist and explicitly insisting that Santa is real.stepanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15340018200941853395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8753953689256479588.post-4952610022110575692009-12-11T23:43:16.826-05:002009-12-11T23:43:16.826-05:00I just found your blog, and read both this post an...I just found your blog, and read both this post and your post from last year regarding lying to kids about Santa Claus. I know this is delayed, but I did want to join the discussion!<br /><br />This is something that I have always taken issue with. As a child, I *never* believed in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy... but my parents (esp. my mom!) refused to admit that I was right. Hence, I spent YEARS of my childhood playing tricks and setting up traps for my mom so that I could provide her with EVIDENCE that I was right. I would sneak downstairs and memorize the location and appearance of a certain present, and see if it was from "Santa" after all. I analyzed "Santa's" handwriting and compared it to my parents'. I went through the basement looking for the special wrapping paper that only "Santa" used. When I lost a tooth, I used to keep it and hide it for days, weeks, even months, and once sufficient time had passed, put it under my pillow to show that the tooth fairy didn't come. I would ask friends about their holiday traditions, and compare it to ours (for example, when we moved to our new house, I discovered that the "Easter Bunny" did an Easter egg hunt for each family- something we had never done). No matter how much evidence I had, my mother still insisted to me that I was wrong and that they were real, even when she didn't have a story to make up to explain it away.<br /><br />I was an extremely intellectually frustrated child. And even as I grew older, my parents still lied to me about some of the most important things. The most drastic example? My mother took one of our cats to the vet to "give her away" and instead put her to sleep. The cat was slightly handicapped, but it wasn't life threatening, and she didn't even try to find a new home for her. I was 15 years old. Instead of telling me the truth, that she couldn't handle the cat anymore, and giving ME a chance to come up with some solutions, finding someone to take her, she killed my cat. And when she got home, she told me that they didn't even have to leave her in the shelter, because an old woman came in right as they got there and took her right away.<br /><br />My parents never told me the truth. Years later, as a senior in high school, finally with a car to drive, I drove by that shelter all the time. Finally, one day, I pulled over on the side of the road, and turned around and went in to ask about her. I thought that maybe they could give me an update, tell me if she was doing ok. The girl at the desk who looked up my cat was probably only a few years older than me, and the look on her face before she had to tell me that the cat wasn't given away, that she had been taken in to be put to sleep... I was beyond crushed when I found out the truth.<br /><br />My parents still don't know that I know; I never told them. My mom gets frustrated when I mention that the cat is dead. She still refuses to admit that Santa isn't real.<br /><br />As an adult, I am close to my mother. Despite everything, I have turned out fine, and my childhood only indicates that I was born to be a philosopher (I am currently obtaining my MA). Despite everything, her and I are friends.<br /><br />But this has caused a bit of discord between my husband and I when we talk about how we will raise our children when we have them.<br /><br />I, for one, vowed never to lie to my children about anything important in life.<br /><br />He wants to tell our kids about Santa. He remembers those years as some of his best. Where I remember frustration, he remembers magic. He does not want to deny that to our children. So far, we compromised. I told him that he can feel free to tell them the stories, but he will be the one doing it. I'll play along in that I'll do the Santa-y things and not tell them otherwise- *unless they ask.* If any of my children ever comes to me and asks me seriously, I will NOT lie to them.<br /><br />I don't know how well it will work... if it will work at all. But from my own experience and my studies in philosophy, I can find no sound justification for lying to your own children on something so fundamental.Cythereahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15527563823788135255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8753953689256479588.post-38650805281750507402008-12-24T06:02:00.000-05:002008-12-24T06:02:00.000-05:00Thanks for this Philosophy Dad! I was worried abou...Thanks for this <B>Philosophy Dad</B>! I was worried about the 'setting myself up as an authority' thing... <BR/><BR/>(I should have realised that my kids' behaviour clearly demonstrates that they don't regard me as any great authority!)<BR/><BR/><I>Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!</I>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com